Three top memes that can f*ck you up — and how to rewrite them
“Believe in yourself!” they say.
“Thoughts become things!” they say.
“If you believe it, you can have it!” they say.
Spend more than five minutes on social media, and you’ll come across a meme with a succinct ‘inspirational’ quote.
They’re not meant to be malicious.
But taking these well-meaning memes as gospel truth?
That’s potentially harmful.
Especially if they cause you to judge yourself as not complying with them properly.
Here’s how to take those memes and make them work FOR you.
Believe in yourself!
You DO NOT have to believe in yourself 100% of the time.
Believing in yourself 24/7 if you’ve grown up socialised to have self-doubt is a huge leap.
If you can’t do it, it is a really bad reason to judge yourself (and most of us will end up judging if we have self-doubt, because it’s yet another iteration of the perfectionist BS).
Believing in yourself 24/7 is not necessary!
Believing in yourself just 1% more than you did before, that’s enough.
Just one tiny percent.
It’s the overall trajectory that matters, not meeting some impossible target of self-assurance and belief.
Thoughts become things!
Thoughts eventually do lead to outcomes, because that’s literally how brains work.
From the worlds of psychology, religion, neuroscience and life coaching, we know that thoughts give rise to feelings; feelings give rise to our actions; and our actions give rise to our outcomes.
But even that formula is hella simplistic, especially when applied with a rigid, all-or-nothing underpinning or perfectionism.
I’ve actually had clients say things like “If I’m not controlling my thoughts 24/7 I’m doing it wrong. I’ll have a Bad Thought and my whole life will turn to shit”.
Can you imagine how stressful it is to be in that state of mind all day long? Let’s not do that!
It’s the perfectionism of the patriarchy, applied to an over-simplified philosophy.
BOOM — self-judgement and stress explode overnight and our ability to grow and move forward is hampered.
Having a so-called “bad thought” is not going to cause a disaster.
And having one fleeting so-called “good thought” isn’t going to instantly change the trajectory of your life.
Becoming more aware of thoughts, and questioning the shitty ones, is a fantastic starting point.
A single thought, on its own, isn’t going to become a thing.
Many repeated thoughts over a long period of time — that’s what is required. And that’s much easier to change, if you want to.
So quit judging yourself for a single crappy thought. All is well.
If you believe it, you can have it!
Believing you can have or do a thing is a powerful starting point, no doubt.
But on its own, it can fail to take account of systemic disadvantage, or unprocessed trauma.
Those things are real, and they might mean your journey has additional twists and turns which didn’t occur for someone without those experiences.
Systems of oppression — the patriarchy, white supremacy, discrimination based on sexual or gender orientation, ableism and a whole raft of other ways humans judge each other — are real and concrete.
A system of oppression doesn’t automatically make things impossible for an individual.
Neither does trauma.
But pretending those things don’t exist, or they don’t have an impact, is a form of rugged individualism which can so easily be weaponised and turned against ourselves.
Depending on your specific experience, requiring yourself to believe anything is possible before you take a step might be more of a hindrance than a help.
And making yourself wrong, if you’re struggling to believe, is not a useful path forward.
For example, if you grew up female in a world which downplays and dismisses the power of a woman, chances are high that you were wired with a deep unconscious sense that you’re inherently powerless or less worthy.
Add in any trauma — especially relating to a sexual or gender related experience of some kind — and you have extra twists to deal with.
So if you’re a woman with ambitions to be the first female CEO in your industry, your pathway there is probably going to look different from the well-worn pathway that’s been used by your male counterparts.
That doesn’t make it impossible.
It does mean that ignoring your own experiences could push you deeper into self-judgement and perfectionism.
Yes, believing you can have or do anything is massively important — but it is a starting place, which you don’t have to sustain 24/7 (see point #1)
The important bit to grok
This one piece can change EVERYTHING.
If your brain is telling you you’re doing it wrong because you don’t believe in yourself or the possibility of success all day, every day — IT IS LYING TO YOU.
If your brain is telling you that you’re not capable of thinking the “right thoughts” often enough, and therefore you should give up your dreams — IT IS LYING TO YOU.
If your brain is telling you all you have to do is ignore the existence of systemic oppression or trauma — IT IS LYING TO YOU.
And most of all, if your brain is saying you can’t fulfil your dreams because you’re not doing this work of self-expression and expansion “properly” — IT IS LYING TO YOU.
It’s lying to you, in a misguided attempt to keep you safe.
If your tribe is promoting these three concepts, your brain will be full of judgement about you.
Not good enough.
You’re failing.
You can’t ever reach your goal or live your dream, because you can’t jump through these hoops perfectly.
In other words — your brain might be unconsciously weaponising these concepts against you, in order to prevent your doing the very dangerous thing of GROWING.
Here’s the invitation
Any time you see these three over-simplified concepts, notice how they make you feel.
If they feel exciting and inspiring, GREAT! — keep moving forward.
If they feel anything other than that, apply radical gentleness and ask if your brain is judging you, or not trusting you.
Remember that your delightful and complex human brain is capable of far more nuance than a well-meaning meme.
Revisit the suggestions for each point, and decide that you’re doing it all just fine, even if today a meme made you feel kinda crap.
I absolutely believe in you, even if we’ve never met, because I know your self-doubt is *all* acquired. None of it came with you to planet Earth. It’s not innate.
I know that your thoughts ultimately create your outcomes, because #neuroscience.
I know anything is possible even in the face of systemic oppression, because I know there are infinitely more pathways than merely the traditional ones.
And I know that judging yourself as failing to manage your own thoughts or not believing enough is ALSO a bullshit story of perfectionism, told by the systems of oppression, to keep us compliant.
In short — if an internet meme makes you feel like crap, feel free to delete it and remind your own brain that you are doing just fine.
